“To find happiness, we try to avoid or get rid of bad feelings, but the harder we try, the more bad feelings we create.”Harris Russ- The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

Avoiding difficult emotions is something we all do. When we’re feeling stressed, lonely, or upset, it’s natural to reach for a distraction—maybe we scroll through social media, dive into work, or binge-watch a show. While these strategies offer temporary relief, they often intensify stress over time.

But why do we avoid discomfort in the first place?

For many of us, this habit starts in childhood. We might have learned, directly or indirectly, that showing emotions made us appear “weak” or “too sensitive.” Growing up, we may have been told to “stay strong” or not to “make a fuss,” receiving the message that certain feelings were better hidden. These habits often follow us into adulthood, where avoiding discomfort feels safer than confronting it. Yet this avoidance, though it feels like a protective shield, ends up taking a toll on our mental and physical health, keeping us from a balanced and fulfilling life.

Emotional avoidance, or avoiding uncomfortable feelings like anger, sadness, frustration , or fear, may seem like a quick fix. At first, it feels like an effective way to maintain control. But when we push our emotions aside, they rarely disappear; instead, they tend to “leak out” in unexpected ways, creating a buildup of stress that can damage our relationships, work, and well-being.

Imagine you’re often frustrated in your relationship but avoid discussing it to prevent conflict. Over time, these unexpressed feelings build up, leading to a breaking point where you explode over something small. This strong reaction can lead to bigger problems than if you had addressed the smaller issues along the way.

Similarly, after losing a close friend, you might try to avoid painful reminders, only to find that grief affects your daily life, causing exhaustion and irritability. Rather than healing, this avoidance creates a heavy emotional burden that makes it harder to process your loss.

How does avoiding feelings increase stress?

When we suppress emotions, they don’t vanish; they’re simply bottled up, waiting to resurface.

Trapped emotions often show up with greater intensity, triggered by small, unrelated events that catch us off guard. Unprocessed feelings create a buildup of anxiety, frustration, or sadness, adding to the body’s stress and manifesting physically as headaches, muscle tension, or fatigue. Emotional avoidance can also limit our ability to connect meaningfully with others and can lead to difficult relationships over time.

But breaking free from avoidance doesn’t have to happen all at once. Overcoming it takes time and patience, yet small, consistent steps can make a big difference:

• Start by naming your emotions—simply identifying and labeling what you’re feeling can reduce its intensity, giving you a sense of control.
• When confronting difficult situations, it’s okay to start small; if you’re avoiding a challenging conversation, consider beginning with a less intense topic to build confidence.
• Practicing self-compassion is essential, too; being kind to yourself during emotional discomfort can make it easier to face it directly, without judgment. —Talking to friends, a therapist, or a coach can provide valuable support as you navigate these feelings, while methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and hypnotherapy can be highly effective for addressing avoidance patterns and building resilience.
• Mindfulness practice, too, can help you observe emotions without feeling overwhelmed, enabling you to sit with discomfort instead of pushing it away.

Avoiding discomfort may feel like the safest option, but in reality, it keeps us trapped in cycles of stress. Learning to face our emotions—even when difficult—builds resilience, strengthens relationships, and allows us to live with greater ease and self-acceptance.

So next time you feel the urge to avoid a difficult emotion or situation, take a moment to pause, acknowledge what’s happening, and give yourself permission to confront it. Instead of pushing the feelings away, try to surf the urge—let it wash over you without resistance. When we allow ourselves to feel fully, we learn to live fully, opening the door to growth, connection, and a more balanced life

For more details on how to navigate your own emotional challenges, please feel free to contact me via email: sarra@freeourmind.co.uk