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Have you ever caught yourself thinking: “That was years ago…so why do I still feel like it just happened?”

Maybe it shows up in sudden flashbacks, nightmares, or an overwhelming sense of anxiety you can’t quite explain. You might avoid certain places, people, or even thoughts, just to stay in control.

What you’re experiencing may be a sign of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – a completely understandable response to trauma that your brain and body are still trying to make sense of.

Why You Still Feel Threatened – A Look Inside the Mind

Two clinical psychologists, Ehlers and Clark, developed a powerful model that helps explain exactly why PTSD can feel so stuck. According to their research, PTSD doesn’t just come from what happened to you, it’s about How your mind and body processed the trauma. 

Trauma reshapes the way your brain interprets the word. Your mind’s alarm system, designed to protect you, can become trapped in a loop, signalling  danger even when you are safe.

You might still feel unsafe because:

• Your mind has made sense of the trauma in a way that tells you: “This could happen again,” or “I’ll never recover.”
• Your brain is holding on to the memory in a fragmented way, making it feel like the event is still unfolding , right now.
• You’ve been trying to cope by pushing it down, avoiding reminders, or staying constantly alert, but these strategies, while understandable, often keep the fear alive.

The Mind’s Alarm System Stuck on “On”

Imagine your mind has an alarm system meant to keep you safe. After trauma, this alarm can get stuck in the “on” position , constantly warning you of danger that isn’t actually there.

That’s why everyday moments can feel overwhelming. Your heart races, your thoughts spiral, and your body stays tense — all because your brain believes the threat is still present.

How CBT and Hypnotherapy Can Help You Heal?

As a CBT hypnotherapist, I help individuals process trauma in a way that allows them to feel safer in their present life , instead of constantly being pulled back into the past

Here’s how we work together:

• ThroughCognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), we identify the thoughts and beliefs that keep you trapped in fear, such as “I’m permanently damaged” or “I have to stay on guard all the time.” Then, we gently challenge and reshape them into more balanced, empowering perspectives..
• WithHypnotherapy , we help your nervous system slow down. You don’t need to force your way through healing.
  We create a calm, focused space where your body and mind can finally feel safe enough to let go of the past.
• Together, We work to integrate the trauma into your life story, so it becomes just that: a memory. Not a source of ongoing distress.

 You Don’t Have to Keep Reliving It

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened.
It means being able to remember without being overwhelmed .
It means no longer feeling imprisoned by fear, avoiding joy, or silencing your experience.

“PTSD becomes persistent when individuals process the trauma in a way that leads to a sense of serious current threat.”
— Ehlers & Clark

The good news? That processing style can be changed.

With the right tools and support, you can teach your brain and body that you are safe now—and you can move forward with greater peace, confidence, and self-trust.

Ready to Take the First Step?

As a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist, I specialise in helping individuals process trauma in a safe, supportive, and evidence-based way.

If you’re ready to explore your healing journey, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.

Feel free to get in touch for a free consultation or to ask any questions you may have.

Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. It doesn’t come with instructions. And it certainly doesn’t “go away” just because others stop asking how you are doing.

As a psychotherapist who works closely with grief and trauma, I often witness how people carry not only the weight of their loss – but also the pressure to “move on.” But grief is not something to fix. It is something to be with. Something to grow through. Drawing on the compassionate insights of Charles Finley , and rooted in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), this post offers a new perspective: that healing doesn’t mean forgetting – it means becoming.

Grief Is Not a Problem to Solve

One of the most damaging messages we hear about grief is that it should be temporary – that there is a point where we should be “over it.” but grief doesn’t operate on the schedule.  It isn’t linear. It comes in waves. And sometimes, just when we think we are doing better, another wave hits.

Grief is not an error in the system – it’s proof of love. As Finley reminds us, grief is not weakness or dysfunction. It’s a natural, human, emotional necessity.

In therapy, I often help clients challenge those internal narratives:

• “ Why am I still sad ?”
• “ I should be stronger.”
• “ This shouldn’t affect me like this anymore.”

But what if the grief isn’t something to conquer? What if it’s something to understand?

As Charles Finley puts it, grief invites us into intimacy with the pain of loss. Not to fix it, but to witness it. To stay with it long enough to let it change us, rather than close us.

Pain Changes Us – But So Can Meaning

When we experience a deep loss, we often lose more than just a person – we lose a sense of security, identity, future. This kind of disruption can feel traumatic. The mind spins stories of guilt or fear. “What if I had done something differently?” Or “I’ll never be the same again.”

And in truth, you won’t be the same. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be whole again. As you learn to live with the absence, your heart can grow around the loss – wider, deeper, more resilient.

As Charles Finley so beautifully puts it:

“ Healing is not about restoring what was lost, but about transforming pain into a new kind of strength.”

This is the essence of true healing. Not erasure. Not return. But transformation.

Transforming Pain Into a New Kind of Strength

Healing does not mean “going back.” It means moving forward- with your pain, not in spite of it. And this kind of transformation doesn’t happen in one moment – it happens slowly, through presence, compassion, and support.

This is what I’ve witnessed again and again in my work: people learning to carry their grief with grace. Not because the pain is gone, but because they’ve grown strong enough to live beside it – and sometimes, even because of it.

In CBT, we use practical tools to guide this process. These aren’t quick fixes – they are steady supports:

•  Thought  Journaling: To untangle guilt and reframe self-blame.
• Behavioural Activation: To reintroduce meaning into daily life.
• Cognitive Restructuring: To soften harsh and internal narratives.
• Self-compassion Practices: To allow grief without judgement.

These tools don’t erase the loss – they help you build a life that can hold it with integrity.

Grief and Joy Can Coexist

One of the most common fears I hear from clients is this. “If I feel joy again, does that mean I’ve stopped grieving?” The answer is no.

Grief and joy are not opposites. They are companions. It’s possible – and healthy to carry sorrow while also making room for love, laughter, and even beauty again.

You are not betraying the person you lost by living fully. You are honouring them through the life you continue to build. Some find rituals to carry forward the bond – writing letters, lighting candles, planting trees, or simply speaking they loved one’s name in everyday life.

Grief changes the form of the relationship – but does not erase the love.

When Grief Feels Too Heavy

If your grief feels stuck or overwhelming, or like it’s consuming your identity, that doesn’t mean you are broken. It means your heart is trying to process something immense. Therapy can be a place to be seen and supported, free from judgement or timelines.

Sometimes the most healing words we can hear are: “What you are feeling makes sense.”

From Grief, A New Kind of Strength

Grief will shape you – but it doesn’t have to harden you. When you allow yourself to feel fully, to grieve honestly, and to rebuild gently, you discover something powerful : you can live with loss, and you can grow around it.

In time, that pain becomes part of your wisdom, your empathy, your capacity to connect.

You may not be the same person you were before the loss – but that doesn’t mean you are less. You are becoming something new. Something strong. Something human, and whole.

And you don’t have to walk that path alone.

Healing from grief is a deeply personal journey, and sometimes having a compassionate help can make all the difference. If you are feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or simply want support in transforming your pain into the strength, I am here to help.

Through a blend of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT),Hypnotherapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we can create a space where you can process your grief at your own pace, build resilience, and rediscover meaning.

When you are ready, reach out to explore how we might walk this healing journey together.

Contact me to schedule a confidential consultation or learn more about my approach. 

As the New Year begins, many of us feel the pull to set resolutions—promises to ourselves that we will finally make the changes we’ve long desired.
But let’s be honest: the road to lasting change can feel overwhelming. Doubts creep in, challenges arise, and it’s easy to lose sight of why you started in the first place.

So how do you stay motivated when the initial excitement fades?

One powerful strategy is to connect with your future self. Imagine your life 10 years from now…

You’ve made the changes you’ve always wanted—whether it’s breaking free from old habits, achieving a goal, or living with greater purpose. Picture this future version of yourself: confident, fulfilled, and grateful.

Now ask yourself: What would this future version of you say to the person you are now?

Think about it deeply. When you visualize the life you want, you’re not just dreaming—you’re creating a powerful reminder of why change matters. You’re grounding yourself in a vision of possibility that can fuel your determination.

This exercise is more than an act of imagination; it’s a powerful way to connect with your deeper motivations. By envisioning a brighter future and the steps it will take to get there, you can silence doubt and build the determination to move forward.

The Courage to Begin

As Van Gogh once said, “If you hear a voice within you say, ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

Doubt will try to hold you back—it always does. But here’s the truth: the act of starting, even imperfectly, silences fear. Each small step you take builds momentum. Each choice to keep going strengthens your belief in what’s possible.

Remember, change doesn’t demand perfection; it requires consistency and courage.

Action Steps to Build Your Motivation

1. Visualize Your Future: Take time to clearly imagine your life 10 years from now if you make the changes you want. Let that vision guide your actions.
2. Start Small: Focus on one manageable step at a time. The smallest action can spark the biggest transformations.
3. Challenge Your Inner Critic: When self-doubt arises, respond with action. Prove to yourself that you are capable, one step at a time.
4. Remind Yourself Why: Write down your reasons for wanting to change and keep them visible. Motivation grows when you reconnect with your “why.”

This is Your Time

Every decision you make today shapes the person you will become. The change you seek is within your reach—but only if you take the first step.

So, what will you do today to create the life you want tomorrow?

If you’re ready to take action but feel unsure where to start, I’m here to help. Together, we can build the strategies and mindset you need to turn your vision into reality. Please feel free to contact me via email: sarra@freeourmind.co.uk

Let’s make this year the one where change truly begins.

“To find happiness, we try to avoid or get rid of bad feelings, but the harder we try, the more bad feelings we create.”Harris Russ- The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

Avoiding difficult emotions is something we all do. When we’re feeling stressed, lonely, or upset, it’s natural to reach for a distraction—maybe we scroll through social media, dive into work, or binge-watch a show. While these strategies offer temporary relief, they often intensify stress over time.

But why do we avoid discomfort in the first place?

For many of us, this habit starts in childhood. We might have learned, directly or indirectly, that showing emotions made us appear “weak” or “too sensitive.” Growing up, we may have been told to “stay strong” or not to “make a fuss,” receiving the message that certain feelings were better hidden. These habits often follow us into adulthood, where avoiding discomfort feels safer than confronting it. Yet this avoidance, though it feels like a protective shield, ends up taking a toll on our mental and physical health, keeping us from a balanced and fulfilling life.

Emotional avoidance, or avoiding uncomfortable feelings like anger, sadness, frustration , or fear, may seem like a quick fix. At first, it feels like an effective way to maintain control. But when we push our emotions aside, they rarely disappear; instead, they tend to “leak out” in unexpected ways, creating a buildup of stress that can damage our relationships, work, and well-being.

Imagine you’re often frustrated in your relationship but avoid discussing it to prevent conflict. Over time, these unexpressed feelings build up, leading to a breaking point where you explode over something small. This strong reaction can lead to bigger problems than if you had addressed the smaller issues along the way.

Similarly, after losing a close friend, you might try to avoid painful reminders, only to find that grief affects your daily life, causing exhaustion and irritability. Rather than healing, this avoidance creates a heavy emotional burden that makes it harder to process your loss.

How does avoiding feelings increase stress?

When we suppress emotions, they don’t vanish; they’re simply bottled up, waiting to resurface.

Trapped emotions often show up with greater intensity, triggered by small, unrelated events that catch us off guard. Unprocessed feelings create a buildup of anxiety, frustration, or sadness, adding to the body’s stress and manifesting physically as headaches, muscle tension, or fatigue. Emotional avoidance can also limit our ability to connect meaningfully with others and can lead to difficult relationships over time.

But breaking free from avoidance doesn’t have to happen all at once. Overcoming it takes time and patience, yet small, consistent steps can make a big difference:

• Start by naming your emotions—simply identifying and labeling what you’re feeling can reduce its intensity, giving you a sense of control.
• When confronting difficult situations, it’s okay to start small; if you’re avoiding a challenging conversation, consider beginning with a less intense topic to build confidence.
• Practicing self-compassion is essential, too; being kind to yourself during emotional discomfort can make it easier to face it directly, without judgment. —Talking to friends, a therapist, or a coach can provide valuable support as you navigate these feelings, while methods like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and hypnotherapy can be highly effective for addressing avoidance patterns and building resilience.
• Mindfulness practice, too, can help you observe emotions without feeling overwhelmed, enabling you to sit with discomfort instead of pushing it away.

Avoiding discomfort may feel like the safest option, but in reality, it keeps us trapped in cycles of stress. Learning to face our emotions—even when difficult—builds resilience, strengthens relationships, and allows us to live with greater ease and self-acceptance.

So next time you feel the urge to avoid a difficult emotion or situation, take a moment to pause, acknowledge what’s happening, and give yourself permission to confront it. Instead of pushing the feelings away, try to surf the urge—let it wash over you without resistance. When we allow ourselves to feel fully, we learn to live fully, opening the door to growth, connection, and a more balanced life

For more details on how to navigate your own emotional challenges, please feel free to contact me via email: sarra@freeourmind.co.uk

Everybody is confronted by intrusive thoughts, painful images or memories; it is natural to want to push them away.

In the self-help book The Conquest of Happiness (1930), the Nobel-prize winning philosopher Bertrand Russell discussed the impact of thought suppression on chronic anxiety, explaining that while it may provide temporary relief, it can ultimately exacerbate the problem by intensifying the focus on the suppressed thoughts.

“Probably all these people employ the wrong technique for dealing with their fear; whenever it comes into their mind, they try to think of something else; they distract their thoughts with amusement or work, or what not.
Now every kind of fear grows worse by not being looked at. The effort of turning away one’s thoughts is a tribute to the horribleness of the spectre from which one is averting one’s gaze; the proper course with every kind of fear is to think about it rationally and calmly, but with great concentration, until it becomes completely familiar. In the end familiarity will blunt its terrors; the whole subject will become boring, and our thoughts will turn away from it, not, as formerly, by an effort of will, but through mere lack of interest in the topic.
When you find yourself inclined to brood on anything, no matter what, the best plan always is to think about it even more than you naturally would until at last its morbid fascination is worn off.”

Trying to suppress a thought in an effort to alleviate our distress is likely to make it more intrusive. The harder we try not to think of something, the more we end up thinking about it and the more that thought backfires and intrudes into our consciousness. This can negatively affect our emotions, decision making abilities and focus.
For the next 60 seconds, try as hard as you can not to think of a white bear. Count how many times you think of a white bear? You will probably discover that it’s quite challenging as the image keeps coming back to your mind every minute. The effect is even stronger when we attempt to suppress an emotional thought. These paradoxical effects of thought suppression were initially demonstrated in a study by Daniel Wegner in 1987.

Thought suppression is a common feature of conditions such as depression, anxiety and OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). For instance, concerning OCD, the relief obtained from coping with or stopping obsessions is only temporary, as these strategies only help you feel less anxious initially. In fact, you continue to believe more strongly that obsessions pose a threat. This initiates a vicious cycle in which you try to exert control over the obsession.

At my practice, I employ Cognitive Restructuring, Mindfulness and Acceptance Therapy . It is suggested that these techniques are helpful for managing intrusive thoughts, reducing their power, and making them less noticeable. Rather than suppressing negative thoughts, it is healthier to acknowledge the associated emotions.

Cognitive restructuring, a core component of CBT, involves identifying and challenging the distorted thoughts, and replacing them with more realistic ones. By learning to reframe your thoughts in a more adaptive way, you can reduce the impact of intrusive thoughts on your emotions and behaviours.

 I also employ mindfulness to teach techniques to my clients, helping them settle their brain and body into the present moment. This interrupts the habit of dwelling on future “what if” scenarios and fosters greater awareness of the present moment. By trying not to suppress uncomfortable thoughts or emotions but instead allowing oneself to sit with them, even for a short time, the body (along with the mind) begins to feel safer, more relaxed and more balanced. Negative thought patterns are found to be more prevalent in those who do not practise mindfulness.

Thought substitution is another technique employed to cease ruminating on distressing or unwanted thoughts. If you catch yourself ruminating on negative thoughts, notice and acknowledge the thoughts without dwelling on them, and try to replace them with a positive one. Thought substitution can help you Counterbalance a negative thought with a positive response. The intrusive thought will then lose the power it has over you.

For more details on how I can support you in managing your overthinking and exploring alternative coping techniques, please don’t hesitate to contact me via email: sarra@freeourmind.co.uk

Epictetus, the stoic philosopher, once said, “we cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”

According to Epictetus , by cultivating mindful awareness of our thoughts and choosing to view situations with rationality, we can exert control over our emotions and guide our behaviour in a more purposeful direction. Many of our problems are a result of interpreting events in unhelpful ways.

The key message of CBT is that the way we think (our cognitions) and what we do (our behaviour) affects the way we feel.

Thoughts are not facts:

Not all of the thinking that happens in our heads is slow, careful or accurate. We all have automatic thoughts that happen so quickly and effortlessly, that we might not even be aware we’ve had them. Sometimes our brains generate results that are not completely accurate. When we assume they are true, we feel strong emotions such as fear, anger or sadness and can react severely. Sometimes we might jump to the worst possible conclusion, at other times we might blame ourselves for things that are not our fault.

Automatic thoughts are often based on assumptions and exaggerated by certain biases which are called cognitive distortions or unhelpful thinking styles.

Here are 10 of the most common cognitive distortions:

• All or nothing thinking: Sometimes called “black and white” thinking. You think in extremes about situations or yourself. Things are either “perfect” or “terrible”.
• Magnification and minimization: You exaggerate negative aspects of yourself, other people, or situations, while undermining the positive aspects. Imperfections are exaggerated while achievements are made to seem unimportant.
• Disqualifying the positive: Discounting the positive, making excuses for it can leave us feeling low. Receiving positive feedback might feel strange to you or difficult to accept, so you automatically reject it.
• Mental filter: You base your conclusions on a single detail taken out of context, ignoring other bits of information. Focusing on your failures while overlooking successes.
• Emotional reasoning: You assume something must be true because you feel it strongly, “I feel embarrassed, so I must be an idiot”.
• Overgeneralisation: You believe that a single event or experience will inevitably recur as a pattern in the future.
• Jumping to conclusions: You imagine and predict that bad things are going to happen to you. Anticipating the worst in situations or people can lead to us feeling anxious.
• Personalizing: Blaming yourself or taking responsibility for something that wasn’t completely your fault which leads to inappropriate guilt.
• Labelling: You give yourself, other people, all your experiences a one-word label, these are usually extreme and negative. “I am hopeless”, “I am completely useless”, are all negative labels.
• “Should” statements: You have rigid beliefs about how things, people, or the world should be, imposing unrealistic expectations.

Do you recognize yourself in any of these biases?

Are these thoughts helpful to you?

Are they going to help you achieve your goals?

Rate your behaviour but never rate yourself!

My aim is not for you to think happy thoughts but rather to foster accurate thinking . However, when unhelpful thinking styles are present in our lives to an excessive degree, they can have a profound effect on our emotional wellbeing.

Unless we learn to notice cognitive distortions, they can have powerful yet invisible effects on our moods and our lives.

What evidence do you have for believing that this thought is true?

As part of my Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy treatment for anxiety management, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy treatment for anxiety management, I will assist you in identifying, challenging and overcoming “unhelpful thinking style” through a diverse range of evidence based techniques.
Contact me to find out more and discuss your individual needs: sarra@freeourmind.co.uk

“First, we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.” Rob Gilbert

 

You’ve promised yourself this would be the last time, the last binge, the last drink, the last time you hit snooze and avoided the day. But the cycle keeps repeating.

Here’s the truth: Habits aren’t just about willpower. They are about emotional wiring.

And that’s exactly where I work combining Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ( CBT ) and Clinical Hypnotherapy to help people break free from patterns that no longer serve them.

Why You Can’t Just “Snap Out of It”

Many of the habits we struggle with didn’t come out of nowhere – they were learned responses to stress, fear, or unmet needs.

Through CBT, we break the cycle down:

• What are the thoughts you have before the habit kicks in?
• What feelings or situations tend to trigger it?
• What false beliefs keep it going – like “ I’ll never change” or “this is just who I am?”

For example:

• That evening overeating might be your body‘s way of self soothing after a day of perfectionism and self criticism.
• The procrastination might be fear of failure dressed up as “I’m just lazy.”
• The nail-biting, screen-scrolling, or drinking might be coping mechanisms your nervous system learned to survive.

CBT helps to identify the pattern, challenge the belief, and build new behaviours step-by-step.

Where Hypnotherapy Comes In

While CBT works on the conscious level – helping you recognise and reframe your thinking-  Hypnotherapy helps shift what’s happening beneath it.

In a relaxed, focus state, Hypnotherapy helps :

• Reprogram unhelpful associations (e.g. stress doesn’t have to equal sugar or smoking)
• Reinforce new, healthier responses.
• Reduce compulsive urges and inner resistance.
• Visualise success so vividly, the mind starts to believe it’s possible.

You gain access to the subconscious programming that drives so much of our behaviour.

Together, CBT and hypnotherapy work like two hands: one giving you an awareness, the other helping you embody change.

Change Doesn’t Require Perfection- Just a Shift in Direction

Lasting change isn’t about being perfect. It’s about becoming more aware – and more aligned.

You don’t have to keep battling yourself. You can learn how to work with your mind instead of against it.

This is the work I do with clients. We built clarity, consistency, and confidence – with evidence-based tools and deep compassion.

Let’s Break the Cycle – Together

As a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist, I employ a structured and evidence-based approach to habit modification, which has proven successful in helping many individuals in overcoming their negative habits and replacing them with healthier alternatives.

Contact me to find out more and discuss your individual needs: sarra@freeourmind.co.uk, 07384 449081.